The Characters 

"Dogs behaving badly... puppet style"                                                                   Home           Episodes         Prog Sales

HAMISH  is a large, well spoken, red setter. He sees himself as something of an intellectual, and spends his time reading educational books and trying to improve his mind. Although generally well balanced, Hamish is prone to launch himself into bizarre and impossible undertakings, such as installing surveillance equipment to spy on his housemates or freezing himself in order to travel into the future.

Hamish's catchphrase: "I am going to kill myself!"

TREVOR is a small, foul-mouthed, grey bulldog. He is less ambitious than Hamish, and tends to entertain himself mainly by eating sandwiches, reading hardcore pornography and having sex with the furniture. Although very bright, Trevor occasionally does something really stupid and ill-advised in order to fend off boredom. For example, conjuring up Satan, or entering for Stars In Their Eyes dressed as Marylyn Monroe.

Trevor's cathphrase: "Hello donkeyflaps!"

JP THE PARROT is philosopher, academic and mystic all rolled into one. Mind you, he just learns it all "parrot-fashion" from the internet and probably doesn't actually understand a word of it. JP lives in a strange little world of his own. He is, for example, convinced that he is the reincarnation of Joan Armatrading, and he is certain that there is a UFO in the back garden and a Star Gate in the linen cupboard. Oh, and by the way, he is hopelessly in love with the cat.

JP's catchphrase: "I like to drink my own urine"

DAVINA is a Persian Blue cat, who is seriously addicted to over-the-counter medication and strong anti-depressant drugs. She spends most of her time in the back garden killing anything that moves,  then likes to bundle her prey into a black bin bag and stuff it down the downstairs toilet. Davina's boyfriend Vince walked out on her long ago, and now sends her letters from distant and exotic parts of the world, while she works out increasingly horrific ways of murdering him on his return.

Davina's catchphrase: "The drugs don't work, you know..."

TREVOR'S  WORMS - two tiny tapeworms whose trivial but weird conversations we overhear from time to time inside Trevor's stomach. The worms have a view on everything from Abba to the Kennedy assassination...

THE DEAD GOLDFISH plays a very important part in everyday life in the Pets house.  He is regularly visited by JP the Parrot, who is "in complete denial" when it comes to the creature's sad passing. JP and Trevor spend many happy hours planning special treats and outings for their "little fishy friend".